I Knew a Man Named Estel
by Veritas Lilly
Summary: Arwen looks over her dead love


Hi guys, me again, hopefully with another story that you will enjoy.

Right I have a debate going on in my head, and I need your help to settle it. Should I delete my first story, Hannon Le, or shall I keep it. I'm sure my flamer will go for the first, but I would like to hear your views.

This is my third story and again in the Lord of the Rings category. I don't know whether I will branch out into other areas, but I have been reading a lot of Star Wars stuff recently, so, watch this space…

Reviews. I did say I would answer them in this story, and I will, but I am saving them until the end, because I am trying different layouts and styles, so apologies if you liked it the way it was.

Here we go then

**Summary: **Arwen's thoughts as she looks at her dead husband. I suppose it could be seen as a companion piece to Death and Glory, but could also be a stand alone.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing and I think it would be a good idea to mention now my somewhat lacking in the economical field, the fact that I have very little cash and, oh yeah, I'm broke. So, don't sue!!!!

**Warning: **Doesn't follow any particular guidelines of the book or film but just in case, this is an AU story. Flamers, you have been warned. Also has quite a lot of sad images, but then again, what one of my stories doesn't?

**Rating:** G, no dragons here, folks.

Thanks for reading and here we go,

**_I knew a man called Estel…_**

**__**

He is gone. The one I love has died in my arms now and I was powerless to stop it. I always knew that by loving a mortal, I would have to face his death. The fearful cried to me, begged me to turn back and take my rightful immortality, but an elven heart is true, so they say, and so is the love that resides within it. My father was one of the many who cried out, but like so many others, his pleas fell on death ears, his fear on blind eyes.

I have cried for him. When he was a young man… younger man, he left for war and I cried for him then, as if he had died then. I was afraid of losing him as I am now that I have lost him. He looks as if he sleeps, my love, of many, many years and I love him now, as I always have. But now I love him like never before for he is here with me now when we were always so far apart. Then when he fought in battle and now as he lies in my arms, the thought of him makes me sane. He was and always will be my Estel. My hope.

His body shifts in my arms now as my arms grow achy and tired, and for one singular special moment, I can pretend he is alive. He is smiling now. In his eternal sleep. He is at peace, free from the constant war and bitterness of mortality. But my Estel is… was a fighter, a warrior, and he will be now. Even in death.

My time will come soon, I know this, I have known this for years, though it seems that now I have only just realised it. I will die and there is nothing I can do about it. In a way, it frightens me, and I think of loneliness and despair, but then I think of Estel and I feel love. The warmth, the comfort and the freedom, all there. Waiting for me. I am ready to feel that again.

I cannot stand the thought of living without Estel; he is as much of a part of my life as he was when he was younger. When we were both younger, but being of the elves, I have no concept of the passing of time, nor the aging of my body, though I know I have aged. And wizened considerably. I know now what it is to be alone. I am alone now, no company but the putrid smell of death.

As I await my end, I wonder. Am I a selfish woman? To leave behind her children in pursuit of true love. To leave her children alone to face the grief of losing their father. Many say that I am, but I am not sure. I do know this, however. I am not so blinded by my love that I cannot see beyond my own grief.

The situation is simply, they will live on without their father, without their mother for they are young and they have so much to do, so much to live for. But I, I cannot live without Estel by my side. So I ask you this; would my children be better living with a mother who, since the death of her husband has become grey and dreary as the sky on a rainy day. To live with a recluse, a shadow of the woman they loved a s a mother. Or, would they better knowing that I'd always be there for them, watching over them, and at peace, and happy. They wouldn't be alone, even though I would not be at their side, I would still love them. How could I not? My children are that mixture of childish mischief and innocence that makes them so special. They will always have a place in my heart.

My time draws near, and I can feel it. Our love will be legendary as Beren and luthien's before us, and our children will remember and the people will remember that I died for love of a mortal. The people will know I died for their king. The people will know I loved them as my own children, each and every one of them and I will carry them with me. They will know Aragorn's love for them and his love of his country. They will know this. All of this. The world will know…

I knew a man named Estel. My hope.

Right, thank you for grinning and bearing it. Read it and review. Tell me what you think and also about the Hannon Le thing, that would be helpful.

**Reviews: **Please. Thanks.

**Ideas:** I am seriously stuck on ideas so any ideas are welcome for other stories, thanks.

**Spelling/Grammar: **That would be helpful, any you find, please report and I will rectify, thanks.

**Flames: **Right, well, everyone is entitled to an opinion, but I will tell you now. Any flames I receive saying anything about the AU warning being non existent then I will just delete them.

**Reviewer Responses:**

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**Neoinean******Thank you for reviewing again mellon-nin, how are you? Thank you for reading and reviewing. Hope you enjoyed the story.

**The Thief Kuronue: **Thank you for reviewing mellon-nin. I'm glad you liked it, and I hoped you enjoyed this one.

**Lindahoyland******Thank you for reviewing. And for calling me gifted! I'm glad you liked it and I hope you enjoyed this one.

**Alexandra: **Hi there! Thanks for reviewing. I hope this story has the beauty you were asking for!!! Anyway, thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it.

**ElvenRanger13: **Why did you cry? Why?! Thank you for reading and reviewing again. I hope you liked this one too.

**LOTR Elven Freak: **Thank you for reading and reviewing the last chapter of Death and Glory. I hope you enjoyed this one too. How long were you reading for, just out of interest?

**Boromir******Hmmmm. I'm not sure about the idea. I will take it in to consideration, but I'm really not sure. For me Boromir is not an easy character to write. Thanks for reading and reviewing and I hope you like this one.

**The-Serious-Padfoot: **OOOh! I like your name and I love the fact that it is in honour of Sirius Black. I cannot believe she killed him off!!!! Anyway, thanks for the reading and reviewing, I hope you like this one too.

Sorry for the incredibly short responses, but I am somewhat short of time. Remember to give me your views on whether I should delete Hannon Le or not. Thank you very much for reading and I hope to see you again sometime in the near future.

Namarie Guys,

Lady Nierwen

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